#646956 - 01/30/07 09:51 PM
How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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J.T.
Planeteer
Registered: 08/17/01
Posts: 2577
Loc: The Sticks
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For several months at a time..... Or even most of a year.
Did it rip your family apart or just make you stronger?
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#646958 - 01/30/07 10:00 PM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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gonzo
purveyor of noise
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 08/16/99
Posts: 31445
Loc: SL.UT
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once, quite a few years ago, i was on the road for 53 straight weeks, without a single day off.
that was a bit tough.
i was single, so i just went with the flow.
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#646959 - 01/30/07 10:09 PM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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kid-surf
Planeteer
Registered: 09/21/99
Posts: 14908
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I was on tour for a different reason. Modeling, overseas.
I had a girl, so that was tuff... We ended up getting married, though, so it worked out.
I wouldn't want to tour at this age... but if you have to, you have to.
Good luck...
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#646960 - 01/30/07 10:10 PM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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Memphis Monroe
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 05/12/02
Posts: 27453
Loc: Pensacola, FL
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I’ve thought about this myself and even talked about it with my wife before we got married. She has always said that she’d be supportive, and I think she wants to be. But we have two kids now in the course of our 3 plus year marriage; so, the truth is that I don’t know the answer to this one. I’d hope that my wife would be supportive if I decided to do that gig. I have zero doubt that I’d fool around or do anything stupid like that, but there are more issues than just trust involved in this scenario for us.
Anyway, I’ve never done that sort of thing. As a single guy I gigged a lot, but never did tours for weeks or months on in. I had friends and bands mates that did, and it was hard enough on those guys—most of whom were single. I know that would take its toll on a family, but if I were making good money at it then I might consider doing it. Otherwise, I’d never put my family through the hardship without knowing theirs some significant financial gain at the end of the rainbow.
mm
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#646962 - 01/30/07 11:03 PM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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Memphis Monroe
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 05/12/02
Posts: 27453
Loc: Pensacola, FL
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I don’t know BR. . maybe I’m delusional, but I tend to think that it can be done. From a spouse’s standpoint I don’t think it would be much different than being married to a military person who often gets deployed. . . some women can handle it and some can’t.
Like Is aid, if I was able to provide significantly well for my family by doing music fulltime and de facto touring for months out of the year I think my wife could probably handle it. Other couples have done it. . so, why not?
mm
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#646963 - 01/30/07 11:13 PM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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Brian Roberts
Planeteer
Registered: 07/13/04
Posts: 13364
Loc: The Department of Inexplicable...
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Originally posted by Memphis Monroe:
Other couples have done it. . so, why not?
mm
I'm not saying it's not possible--I would think the farther you are up the food chain in the music industry, the more managable it might be, i.e. if you can fly home for the weekends, or fly your family out to visit you, or if you can dictate to your management and you can arrange your tours to be two weeks or less per outing between times off. Usually that's not the case though for a typical touring group.
But regardless, there is no doubt in my mind that it adds stress to the relationships of people who are not fully cognizant of the implications of lengthy separations.
I don't know if anyone has compiled stats on the odds of civilian marriage failures vs. military marriage failures, but how men military men receive "Dear John" letters while stationed away?
So, again, I'm not saying it can't be done--but I suspect it increases your odds of running into issues "down the road" (so to speak). 
_________________________
  "hey, what's a half-step among friends?"Old songwriters never die...they just decompose. 
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#646964 - 01/30/07 11:37 PM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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Monkey
Planeteer
Registered: 11/13/02
Posts: 1873
Loc: Kansas City
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Two of the three married members of Tool are now divorced (Well Maynard was not married but had the same girl for like 15 years).
Adams wife travels with the band in thier own bus.
Danny left his wife.
Maynards girl friend broke up with him.
I changed shifts every 2 weeks for 20 years or worked graveyard. Only seeing my wife on some weekends and maybe 1/2 hour per day. I think that helped our relationship.
BUT the touring life seems to have taken a toll on the guys in Tool.
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#646965 - 01/30/07 11:40 PM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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Memphis Monroe
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 05/12/02
Posts: 27453
Loc: Pensacola, FL
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Yeah, I agree BR. . It definitely increases your odds of divorce. . there's no doubt about that.
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#646966 - 01/30/07 11:48 PM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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Memphis Monroe
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 05/12/02
Posts: 27453
Loc: Pensacola, FL
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The thing is that I love my wife to death. I think she’d want to trust me, but I know her. She’s very jealous. . red Irish blood through and through. . She has a tempter, and she tends to get carried away with things even if I haven’t done anything. . .women.  . I’ve gigged and done local tour type stuff enough to know what that’s like. A lot of good looking women like to flirt and even have flings with rock star band guys. In my single days—which wasn’t too long ago—I took full advantage of that whenever I could. Now, I know myself and I know that I’d never do anything like that to my wife. On some level I think my wife knows that too, but like I said, she’s the jealous type; so rationality goes out the window once she so much as sees a pretty girl eyeing me. 
Chris
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#646967 - 01/31/07 12:09 AM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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kid-surf
Planeteer
Registered: 09/21/99
Posts: 14908
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MM -- That's a recipe for disaster...
Your wife needs to get over it. In my modeling days I'd have shoots with half naked girls draped across me, shows where girls (and I) were naked back stage, 'go sees' where I'd have to kiss some random girl for commercials and such. My wife was never jealous. I'd come home and she would be, say, taking a Colin Farell to a premiere. She'd tell me how George Clooney kissed her cheek... whatever else. I wasn't the least bit jealous.
Years later there are still many situations that 'require' each of us be around good looking people away from each other.
Without trust you ain't got much.
I think your wife needs to get out more... do some things away from you and establish her own interests that don't involve you. Then maybe she won't be so clingy/needy. That's not an attractive quality, IMO.
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#646968 - 01/31/07 12:16 AM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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ickalien
Planeteer
Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 5535
Loc: Denver
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I toured for six years off and on (mostly on) with about 6 bands. Not one single marriage or relationship lasted. That's..... let's see...... 24 or 26 couples caput! That's not counting the "in-between-bands". You know, the bands you played in to make money until the good band/gig came along.
Young and single was the only way to tour. Several very good musicians lost thier jobs because the lady they brought along on the bus was a huge distraction or problem to the group. Never saw it work except when I was a side-man and the main man had his and his ladies own transport and habitation.
_________________________
No Mas Pantalonies
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#646969 - 01/31/07 12:40 AM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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ryan stone
Planeteer
Registered: 08/23/04
Posts: 2108
Loc: bris aust
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I so want right now to be on tour for ever. I would miss my son imeasurably but if it got me away from his mother then great. I will get some time out next week and the week after,that is till I find my own digs elswhere.
Touring was never a prob with her its just when I come home SHEEESH!!!
_________________________
well its 1 for the money 2 for the money 3 for the money now go buy another guitar
Ryan Stone (cowboy)
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#646970 - 01/31/07 01:56 AM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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MadGuitrst
Planeteer
Registered: 06/10/99
Posts: 20782
Loc: 3rd Stone From The Sun
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I never had a family while playing out, maybe for all that came with it. I was a full tilt musician: a musically obsessive egomanic, carefree and careless, and a sexaholic to boot.
Well, at least I had a job with no benefits or security. 
In all, you'd need to have a strong relationship with a strong wife/girlfriend. It would be preferable that she have a good support group (family, etc.)
I would NOT want to miss the growing years of my kids; I don't know what could replace that. What would it take? How much money? How much future security gained? How much time would have to be lost to gain it? If it was necessary to support the family, well....you do whatever it takes.
As for a wife/girlfriend: If she can't support you through that then there are questions IMO. Then again, who am I to say? I could understand the difficulties that could face many relationship/family situations - there are just so many variables; however, trust isn't one of them.......
_________________________
MadGuitrst has left the building....but not before committing acts designed to offend the senses....
"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."
- Dr. Stephen R. Covey
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#646974 - 01/31/07 03:25 AM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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strat1376
Planeteer
Registered: 01/07/04
Posts: 930
Loc: New York, USA
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I toured for almost twelve years, but I was married only for the last three and found out right away that I was going to have to make more of an effort to get home as much as I could. When your working that kind of a schedule there are usually times when you can get away for a day or two if your near enough to home. I kind of equated it to driving a truck, If I was within 6 hours of home I would drive home for as long as I could stay. I also agree with mooseboy, touring at that level is a young mans game, the last couple years I hated it and I was only 31 when I gave it up. A "tour" for me now would be a weekend opening a new Walmart or something (as long as someone else did the driving)It did create some, ah , lets say marital "strife" because my daughter was born a year before I quit and women tend to get a little antsy after that happens. So after a few "your a father now, its time to grow up" arguments I got out.
_________________________
Actually, Im QUITE serious
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#646975 - 01/31/07 05:02 AM
Re: How many here have been on a tour where you have been away from your family?
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Liege Maximo
Planeteer
Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 1048
Loc: Tx
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I spent two summers touring with the English Beat, 7 months touring with a country band from Minnesota, and 2 years with Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines and she took me back every time.
She pretty much put her foot down 2 years ago. Said she had enough. I signed up for another 2 month orchestra contract on RCCL, and quit after a month. I'm done. Unless it's BIG money I aint goin nowhere.
_________________________
WTFITS
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