#1859984 - 08/13/23 10:34 PM
What is wrong with me?
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Jazzooo
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 05/18/02
Posts: 55700
Loc: San Miguel de Allende, Mexico ...
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I’ve had and I’m still having a very lucky life.
But more than once, and in fact, probably more than 10 times in the last 10 years… Everything turns to shit at the exact same time.
I was T-boned in my car a couple of years ago and had to get my radiator frame straightened out because my air conditioning stopped working due to the accident. and a brand new protective lining or whatever it is that goes over the bottom of the car. Well, my air conditioning is not working, and the lining is dragging on the ground. As if I have time to leave my car for a day or two at the mechanic.
I’ve got a huge crack in my window if it is spreading like Covid. As if I have time to dig around with that.
I’ve put in a dozen hours on this demo for the saxophone ensemble, and it’s been really productive to clear my head… And somehow the project got corrupted and parts are disappearing or getting garbled. All within the last hour.
I much better, but my heart is still really hurting and I’m angry about the break up.
I’ve lost the keys to the house that I am listing twice… This last time, I searched everywhere, more than once. Just huge stress for me. I went out to the car and impossibly, the keys were sitting in plain sight. I can’t understand it, I know that I looked there more than once.
I’ve got some money in a retirement account, but my day-to-day living expenses are totally fucked right now… I am paying off this romantic vacation that resulted in the end of my relationship, and all of a sudden I have to renew my health insurance, pay taxes on last months commission, which is already gone, I got a flat tire just out of nowhere that could not be repaired so I had to buy a new tire, the guitarist for my incredible band is playing hard to get, and his attitude is starting to piss me off, and honestly there’s like five or 10 other things that have just broken or stopped working properly… my cell phone will only charge with one cable out of the 10 that I’ve got laying around. They work fine with other phones. That kind of shit.
And of course, going through this past couple of weeks with my friend in the hospital, seemingly getting ready to die, has been horrible. The good news is that they identified a heart bacteria and after a few more days in the hospital they just sent him home last night. I talked with him today and he’s wiped out but better.
My heel hurts. My elbow hurts. My birthday is coming up and I had a great trip planned with my girlfriend to go to Las Vegas and see the Beatles Cirque du Soleil show one more time before it closes at the end of the year. No girlfriend, no interest in going to Las Vegas by myself. I will have some money in September. Thanks to some real estate commissions but even still… That’s two years in a row. My birthday gets just fucked. Last time my girlfriend spent the entire day in tears because it was the anniversary of her mothers death the year before, and of course I was happy to help sooth her.
I just feel mentally and spiritually exhausted. I went and talk to a therapist the other day, and it was good, but it’s too fucking expensive for me right now. She confirmed that I am having a really fucked up time but that I’m not depressed, just overwhelmed. I can’t talk to my friends about the break up or my sick friend without choking up or crying.
I know I’m not everybody’s cup of tea cup, but whether you like me or not, I have always tried to do the right thing with everybody. I come in contact with, whether to clerk behind the counter, or a best friend, or a stranger, who just needs help. I did not expect it to pull out that 67 dealing with all this shit by myself.
I’m fine come above I will get over it. But I just need to vent. The ship with my car on top of everything else? Just fucking insane. The chair in my recording studio is falling apart and I have to balance while I work. Stupid.
I took my girlfriend to Maui, and then we break up and Maui burns down.
_________________________
Dougrobinson.com
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#1859986 - 08/13/23 10:41 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Jazzooo]
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Jazzooo
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 05/18/02
Posts: 55700
Loc: San Miguel de Allende, Mexico ...
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By all means, feel free to join in with your own personal rants and wines. I did what I needed to do, I can run myself all the data about how it’s going to be better. I don’t need that shit right now. What’s going on with you?
_________________________
Dougrobinson.com
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#1860002 - 08/13/23 11:31 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Jazzooo]
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ulank
Forum Person
Planeteer
Registered: 02/03/08
Posts: 20491
Loc: Chicago, IL
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Yup. When it rains it pours! Beams man.
For me, I put in a new toilet in the master bath a few years ago and a new one in the downstairs bath last year. Now the seals on both of them are shot so they leak slowly and constantly kick on to refill what has leaked. I bought new seals and am pretty sure I can fix the one in the master, but the downstairs one looks like I may have to take the tank off and completely disassemble the guys to get the bad seal off as there is no thumbscrew to remove the flapper. The downstairs one has gotten so bad it won’t even fill complexity anymore so I’ve shut off the valve and we have been dragging out asses upstairs to piss and shit…after dragging our upstairs to piss and shit for a few months before I got the new downstairs toilet installed. Then the other upstairs bath, old toilet, has started slow leaking as well. So every toilet in the house is fucked and our water bill reflects that.
The culprit? My wife has been using those Clorox bleach tabs in the tanks and apparently that just destroys the guts and seals. So why do they even sell that shit!?  So, no more tablets. 
We planted new perennials up front 2 years ago after putting in some landscape brick in 2020. The bunnies kept eating the flowers off the black eyed susans so they didn’t grow in well last year, but thankfully they survived and even thrived this year. But to stave off the bunnies I bought a product called “liquid fence” that basically smells of garlic and rotten eggs which deters bunnies and other critters. It says to spray around and on the plants (“it’s safe for plants and animals!” they say.)
Did a first application and then directions said you can do a second application after a month or so, especially if it’s been raining a lot. It rained a shit ton here late June/early July so I reapplied the liquid fence. And they started dying a quick and severe death. Not totally dead but I cut out all the dead shit and they look like crap now. They should come back fine next year but that’ll be 3 years of shitty looking curb appeal.
Because a couple weeks ago our asiatic lily’s up front started getting eaten by something so the leaves are nibbled to shit. I sprayed a little liquid fence on em just before I discovered it killed the black eyed susans but thankfully they are holding up so far.
We also have two Clamatis to climb up some lattice up front. First year, one grew in well, the other struggled. Last year the struggling one finally croaked. Bought a new one at the start of this year…and it’s dying. It’s fighting to come back but I don’t know if it will make it. The rose bush is also struggling a bit despite me giving it rose food at the start of the season.
Oh, and I pruned our zebra grass earlier this year but probably a little too late in the spring so it’s been a dead Mohawk most of this season. New growth is coming in but it’s spotty so I just have to hope it fully recovers next year.
So out of 9 plants up front only two, the hydrangea and 1 Clamatis, are looking good. Might also be because I put a bunch of mulch in the landscape bed (after covering the dirt with newspaper which supposedly works better than landscape paper. The mulch may have delivered too much nitrogen or something. I also set up a soaker hose system on a timer so I don’t have to manually water the plants. So I shit ton of work to try to make things look good and I’m batting 2 for fucking 9. 
We had mold in our attic so last month I had a company come out to remove all the old insulation, de-mold the attic and fog the entire house to kill any moldy remnants. They blew in new insulation in the attic (said they would blow in enough for the proper R value which in our region is supposed to be 16-18 inches of the stuff. After they did their work, I poked my head up there and there’s 9 inches at the peak and it takers down to probably 6 inches towards the perimeter. Pepper install should have had baffles put on the trusses so you can blow in the proper 16-18 inches and still allow airflow through the eves. They didn’t put any baffles in so not sure how they’ll be able to blow in more insulation without choking the room. At least it only cost me $5,000! 
Oh and then a few days after I got back from vacation in July, we got hit with another round of layoffs at work. I survived, but we had to lose a healthy chunk of quality folks and it’s left us at bare bones, barely functioning levels. For perspective, when I was hired in 2001 I was the 75th employee hired. We grew to over 125, if not 140, at our peak. Now, after the latest round of layoffs, we have 18 (eighteen!) people left. Total fucking fuckery.
I also have a huge project to deliver that I have been slacking on because it’s kind of hard to be motivated at this shit show so now I’ll be scrambling tonite and early this week to wrap it up so I can finally get that off my plate.
So, bad toilets, dead plants, shoddy home repairs and more layoffs oh my! That’s all that’s going on round here lately.
_________________________
“This is no place for vacation.”
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#1860004 - 08/13/23 11:39 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: ulank]
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Ismellelephant
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 07/10/01
Posts: 59654
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Gee not much to offer.
My boat trailer's leaf springs are kind of getting weak so the trailer tire is rubbing against the fender.
Using a cutoff wheel I removed the salt water rusted bolts and shimmed up the fender so it doesn't rub against the tire.
Other than a steering wheel malfunction on my old car, not much drama here.
I told you it wasn't much.
_________________________
They call me Linkedin Twisty! Howdy!
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#1860007 - 08/14/23 12:07 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Ismellelephant]
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ulank
Forum Person
Planeteer
Registered: 02/03/08
Posts: 20491
Loc: Chicago, IL
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#1860009 - 08/14/23 12:18 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Ismellelephant]
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Popmann
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 05/23/02
Posts: 33617
Loc: Twangville, TN
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Neighbor’s tree fell on mine and Ms Pop’s cars. From an insurance perspective, making both totaled. My damage is cosmetic only.
I cut us out with the helpof a local construction crew’s machinery to hold the big branch up off the cars while we drove them out from under.
Straight line winds took our roof earlier this year. This is the “year insurance finally pays off”.
Started the year off snapping the headstock off my 335…which the repairs are gonna be more than Im likely to pay. It was kind of my third most used guitar of three…I can buy a new nice HH guitar for the repair cost. The actual big suck of that is Id mostly decided to sell it because it was worth so much $$ relative to how little I used it….take that money—and go on a little road trip to find a new axe for the next legof this tour so to speak…and with one fall off a stand it kind of nixxed that. But, I do need to work that out. I feel like maybe I have neglected GAS too long. There may be something inherently needed in new ass.
Feeling very mortal. Very in the jungle asking “weren't we on a road a while back?”
But, at least all my toilets work. #jimBeams to ya, U.
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#1860010 - 08/14/23 12:27 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Popmann]
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Ismellelephant
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 07/10/01
Posts: 59654
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the guitar thing does suck no doubt...
_________________________
They call me Linkedin Twisty! Howdy!
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#1860015 - 08/14/23 01:10 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Ismellelephant]
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Xenophile
Planeteer
Registered: 09/27/00
Posts: 19402
Loc: Sacramento, CA, USA
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Just dumped $1K into the kid’s car to have the oxygen sensors replaced. Now he’s back in LA and the Check Engine light is on again, with the same O2 sensor message, the shop that supposedly specializes in German cars couldn’t figure it out. So it’s back to the dealer for god-knows what kind of repairs I’m guessing it will be a $4000 catalytic converter or similar.
Some rich dark humor in Doug’s Maui story.
_________________________
"Bobby, I'm sorry you got a head like a potato. I really am."
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#1860022 - 08/14/23 01:46 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Mooseboy]
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Ismellelephant
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 07/10/01
Posts: 59654
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What about your problem of wanting but not being able to be me?
I'd bitch about that if I was you.
_________________________
They call me Linkedin Twisty! Howdy!
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#1860023 - 08/14/23 01:49 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Popmann]
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ulank
Forum Person
Planeteer
Registered: 02/03/08
Posts: 20491
Loc: Chicago, IL
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#1860024 - 08/14/23 01:57 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: ulank]
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Ismellelephant
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 07/10/01
Posts: 59654
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I find birds shitting on people very funny.
When young, the girls in the neighborhood had a sleep over. So my friends and I went over to look in the basement windows where the sleep over was taking place. So crawling on all fours across the grass and then realized this is where the dog was let out to poop. I had dog poop in my hands and clothes.
_________________________
They call me Linkedin Twisty! Howdy!
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#1860027 - 08/14/23 05:03 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: ulank]
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Xenophile
Planeteer
Registered: 09/27/00
Posts: 19402
Loc: Sacramento, CA, USA
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When I was in my early 20’s I stepped out my parents’ front door just in time to catch a big juicy bird shit down my glasses and face. Neighbor lady saw it and started laughing, and I puked into my Mom’s flower bed beside the porch.
If only there was such a thing as home security cameras or cellphone videos back then.
_________________________
"Bobby, I'm sorry you got a head like a potato. I really am."
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#1860028 - 08/14/23 05:28 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: ulank]
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flatcat
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 07/11/01
Posts: 30302
Loc: Westborough, MA, USA
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Beams out to all concerned.
Now that everything is packed up here and unless I really fuck something up - not out of the realm of possibility - I am leaving this place on Thursday morning. It has been my least favorite experience in the Foreign Service. Basically, I don't really have a lot good to say about Thailand or the Thais. My experience with the Americans in my work was not much better. It's kind-of long and just a me-moaning kind of story but honestly, three years almost of this has been just the fucking worst. Boss problems, work problems, asshole people problems, and me problems, to be honest. I have become someone I don't like very much. Having arrived here with a pretty severe depression didn't help. I hate it here and am really happy I will never be coming back. And because of my experience here, I'm absolutely terrified of my next assignment.
I'm in kind of not a great place right now.
In the meantime, my mother in law has moved into full blown dementia, so I will be returning to that. And because I'm not really doing anything, it looks like I will be helping to care for her, if she remembers who I am. Which is fine, you know. One good thing is that it means I will not be using as much of my annual leave time, which is good for me. But ... it's going to be a lot.
We'll see how that all works out. I can't wait to go home.
_________________________
The internet, and the whole technology sector on which it floats, feels like a giant organ for bullshittery—for upscaling human access to speech and for amplifying lies. - Ian Bogost
Professor Truth T. Sweetness says,"Mind your manners!"
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#1860035 - 08/14/23 07:18 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: flatcat]
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Jazzooo
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 05/18/02
Posts: 55700
Loc: San Miguel de Allende, Mexico ...
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You’re not taking another post, flat?
_________________________
Dougrobinson.com
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#1860037 - 08/14/23 09:51 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Jazzooo]
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flatcat
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 07/11/01
Posts: 30302
Loc: Westborough, MA, USA
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You’re not taking another post, flat?
Yes, I'm going to Bogota in July 2024 if they can cram Spanish into my head, we'll see how far I get with that. I'm taking a few months off then it's off to DC for Spanish, then off to Bogota hopefully wrapping up in September 2026.
_________________________
The internet, and the whole technology sector on which it floats, feels like a giant organ for bullshittery—for upscaling human access to speech and for amplifying lies. - Ian Bogost
Professor Truth T. Sweetness says,"Mind your manners!"
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#1860040 - 08/14/23 01:08 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: flatcat]
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Webster
Planeteer
Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 17959
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Beams out to all concerned.
Now that everything is packed up here and unless I really fuck something up - not out of the realm of possibility - I am leaving this place on Thursday morning. It has been my least favorite experience in the Foreign Service. Basically, I don't really have a lot good to say about Thailand or the Thais. My experience with the Americans in my work was not much better. It's kind-of long and just a me-moaning kind of story but honestly, three years almost of this has been just the fucking worst. Boss problems, work problems, asshole people problems, and me problems, to be honest. I have become someone I don't like very much. Having arrived here with a pretty severe depression didn't help. I hate it here and am really happy I will never be coming back. And because of my experience here, I'm absolutely terrified of my next assignment.
I'm in kind of not a great place right now.
In the meantime, my mother in law has moved into full blown dementia, so I will be returning to that. And because I'm not really doing anything, it looks like I will be helping to care for her, if she remembers who I am. Which is fine, you know. One good thing is that it means I will not be using as much of my annual leave time, which is good for me. But ... it's going to be a lot.
We'll see how that all works out. I can't wait to go home.
Beams, dude. I hope things get better for you.
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#1860216 - 08/14/23 11:47 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Webster]
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Ismellelephant
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 07/10/01
Posts: 59654
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Wow I can't imagine hating a job yet sticking with it. I am guessing you feel too close to the finish line to change jobs.
Wishing you the best on the next venture.
_________________________
They call me Linkedin Twisty! Howdy!
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#1860296 - 08/15/23 11:55 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Ismellelephant]
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flatcat
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 07/11/01
Posts: 30302
Loc: Westborough, MA, USA
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If I can make it to the end, I get the holy grail: I get to keep my health insurance for the rest of my life.
It's a big If, though. It was really a bad experience here. And I wouldn't be totally surprised if I got separated because of it.
_________________________
The internet, and the whole technology sector on which it floats, feels like a giant organ for bullshittery—for upscaling human access to speech and for amplifying lies. - Ian Bogost
Professor Truth T. Sweetness says,"Mind your manners!"
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#1860330 - 08/15/23 04:10 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: flatcat]
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Xenophile
Planeteer
Registered: 09/27/00
Posts: 19402
Loc: Sacramento, CA, USA
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Flat, are you saying that after all your years of service, the State Department might fire you with no benefits because of one assignment for which you weren’t a good fit?
That would be fucked up.
_________________________
"Bobby, I'm sorry you got a head like a potato. I really am."
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#1860331 - 08/15/23 04:17 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Xenophile]
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Marty Gilman
Official Planet Sax Monster - Planeteer/Artist # 117
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 26800
Loc: Palm Beach, Florida- U S A
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This too shall pass. Everything does.
Be proactive, my friends. prevention is much easier than repair in most cases.
At this moment my life is 100% positive, tomorrow may change that.
Be optimistic and have a positive attitude. It really helps.
Sorry for the grief some of you are experiencing.
-m
_________________________
Can you play that an octave louder?
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#1860335 - 08/15/23 04:26 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Marty Gilman]
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Ismellelephant
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 07/10/01
Posts: 59654
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It sucks that healthcare requires working a job you hate.
_________________________
They call me Linkedin Twisty! Howdy!
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#1860338 - 08/15/23 04:59 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Ismellelephant]
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Jazzooo
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 05/18/02
Posts: 55700
Loc: San Miguel de Allende, Mexico ...
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I wish you had taken the post in Mexico. I know it didn’t seem like enough of a challenge to you, but I can’t help but feel that it would’ve been a good move, regardless, Thom.
_________________________
Dougrobinson.com
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#1860394 - 08/15/23 08:51 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Jazzooo]
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ulank
Forum Person
Planeteer
Registered: 02/03/08
Posts: 20491
Loc: Chicago, IL
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#1860399 - 08/15/23 09:06 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Jazzooo]
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Jazzooo
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 05/18/02
Posts: 55700
Loc: San Miguel de Allende, Mexico ...
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Fuck. Clients I have broken my back for because they got themselves in a bad situation with the property they bought from a lousy developer here before they met me. Now they’re pushing on me and want to give me a performance review because they’re unhappy with me. And Alejandra wrote me and asked me if we could talk. Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s a very good person, but just more of a taker than a giver. Like now, she’s only thinking of herself because I have no interest in talking to her. my brain is flooded with all the times that I loved her and she wouldn’t love me back… That’s a quote from a song I wrote when I was 21 years old, but it applies.
Thank God for the Trump indictments. That balances out a lot of things.
Edited by Jazzooo (08/15/23 09:08 PM)
_________________________
Dougrobinson.com
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#1860420 - 08/15/23 10:05 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Jazzooo]
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Alan
Member of the DNA (National Dyslexic Association)
Planeteer
Registered: 01/30/00
Posts: 8169
Loc: Sauchie, Scotland, UK
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Doug!
I have not read anything you or others have posted here (but I will soon)
I just want to say this: Everything and Nothing is wrong with you.
Your feelings at this point reflect the grain of sand passing through the hourglass (read lifetime glass) at that time.
At the bottom of the glass is a life that has passed. Nothing you can do about it.
At the top? You have no real options, just watch the grains drift down and accept that time is ticking on and it up to you to decide if you think its a fun or fear journey.
Regardless of the above! I hope your mindset gets better and you get all you wish for.
Edited by Alan (08/15/23 10:06 PM)
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#1860427 - 08/15/23 10:18 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Alan]
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Ismellelephant
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 07/10/01
Posts: 59654
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I have walked right out the door of two jobs. One was right after I bought my first house, yikes. With no replacement job.
Turned out for the better both times.
_________________________
They call me Linkedin Twisty! Howdy!
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#1860442 - 08/15/23 11:59 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Ismellelephant]
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ulank
Forum Person
Planeteer
Registered: 02/03/08
Posts: 20491
Loc: Chicago, IL
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I had a buddy who quit his job in mortgages to drive a beer delivery truck. He’s never been happier.
_________________________
“This is no place for vacation.”
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#1860452 - 08/16/23 01:38 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Jazzooo]
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AL
First Certified Case in US of Trump Derangement Syndrome
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 04/16/99
Posts: 82048
Loc: Walmartville
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And Alejandra wrote me and asked me if we could talk.
Well I did see that coming. Women often go cold on a guy and then if the guy moves on properly, they get enamored again. I actually had a lady friend who was hooked on the whole make up aspect of her relationships so she got to be more and more callous about the break ups a couple boyfriends down the road.
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#1860467 - 08/16/23 05:12 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: AL]
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Jazzooo
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 05/18/02
Posts: 55700
Loc: San Miguel de Allende, Mexico ...
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I hear you, but that’s not what this is. I’m sure she doesn’t want me back. She wants me to stay her friend because it means something to her. And probably also because I’m a resource… Her animals were my animals for almost a year, she needs money for the vet? I can help. Something like that, I’m sure.
_________________________
Dougrobinson.com
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#1860472 - 08/16/23 06:38 AM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: Jazzooo]
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AL
First Certified Case in US of Trump Derangement Syndrome
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 04/16/99
Posts: 82048
Loc: Walmartville
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yeah that could be it if she's a user like you say.
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#1860510 - 08/16/23 04:28 PM
Re: What is wrong with me?
[Re: AL]
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AL
First Certified Case in US of Trump Derangement Syndrome
Loquacious Planeteer
Registered: 04/16/99
Posts: 82048
Loc: Walmartville
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I spent about an hour last night composing a wordy tome about my life and why it's so shitty. Went into it full well knowing there's one person here who would save it and eventually exploit every word of it. The story was hard to tell and by the end (I never quite finished) it was such a bummer I concluded I couldn't post it because what I really want out of this place and any of you for that matter is not for anyone to feel sorry for me. so there you have it. ha ha
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), steady flow of green beans so we’ve been having those about twice a week. And the tomatoes have been stellar. Also, after having a few bad years with basil, we have four healthy plants this year. One of them is the size of a large dog (!), another one almost as big and the other two smaller but healthy. 
So, I consider the veggie garden a victory this year. 
)
So then I had to take a shower with my underwear. 
